As we continue our discussion of sympathy cards, what to say, where to find the words, I immediately thought of our dear friend, Mary McManus. Mary is one of our very special friends at Moon Moo and You – The Collective Wisdom. Mary’s sweet and gentle spirit, firm determination and motivation, and positive attitude are always such a joy! I asked Mary to tell us more about her very personal sympathy cards. I do hope you will visit Mary’s site and review more of her beautiful and heartfelt work. And again, thank you, Mary!

Here’s Mary:

I am so blessed that God has given me the gift of poetry to help people express the words in their heart. After being diagnosed with post polio syndrome in December 2006, at the age of 53, the gift blossomed within me. I left my full time career as a social worker to heal my life and to create New World Greeting Cards. I combine my 25 years of having worked as a social worker with my gift of poetry to help people process what they are feeling and together we create healing, loving messages in times of illness and loss. I have been blessed to write keepsake poems to help weave together memories of a loved one who has made their transition. It can be part of a funeral program or be placed in a frame as a treasured keepsake. I can be your Cyrano de Bergerac to create a poetic message that you can write in your own hand or create a card with the poem inside and you can add a personal message. Special occasions can be painful when a loved one is not there to share it with the family. I recently wrote a poem for a bride as a tribute to her dad to be put in her wedding program so that his presence would be felt on her special day.

Here is a sample of an In Memoriam poem: (I shared my recollections about this wonderful man and the family told me what they wanted me to capture about him. I read it at his funeral and so many people asked us for copies after the service)

The day that I first met you, some 20 years ago
I thought you were a general
“That’s my name,” you’d let me know.
I was a worker at the VA, and you were ‘newly blind’
And with every challenge you would face
Great courage you would find.

You were a champion at bowling, though the pins you couldn’t see
And a champion for veterans
BVA’s own deputy.
Despite those chronic headaches and the weakness and the pain
You’d travel and do all the work
And rarely would complain.

A devoted, loving husband – kind in spirit – gentle touch
Adoring father, son and grandpa
Family always meant so much.
Although our hearts are aching – Your Spirit now flies free
To be a guardian angel
For all eternity.

And although you’re not a general, I salute you from my heart
Feeling blessed for having known you
As from this world you now depart.
Your family will go forward, knowing you are now at peace
All the suffering that you endured
Now at last can cease.

God bless you on your journey, we will miss your gentle voice
It was time for God to call you home
We know you had no choice.
Your legacy of character, humble faithful true
Shall endure for generations
A light that’s shining through!

To see more samples for healing/condolence poems visit: http://www.newworldgreetings.com/portfolio/healing
To learn more about New World Greeting Cards and see the portfolio of poems for all occasions you can visit www.newworldgreetings.com

Thank you so much Joan for allowing me to share my gift with your readers.

Your comments on my post about Coping with Death yesterday were so appreciated and insightful. One of the things that I gleaned from your comments was the need to discuss more about what to say in a sympathy card. Words for sympathy cards can seem so difficult.

My sister, Betty, writes notes every single day. Yesterday in her comments on my post, she said, “And the same is true with notes/cards. “Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers” ……..or “…in my heart at this sad time” are enough ….Memories are wonderful to add if a person is comfortable doing so. The bottom line is simply – do something. And do I ever agree with “weeks / even months” later. It is never to late to let someone know you care.”

The card does not need to be fancy. In fact, I personally think sometimes the fancier cards are almost offensive. The most important thing is your personal note. Please don’t just slap your signature on a card — no matter how pretty the verse. Add a personal line or two before you sign your name.

Comfortdoc over at Squidoo.com wrote a beautiful lens about How to Write a Condolence Note. She gives us a long list of closing sentences/phrases for sympathy cards and I am quoting a few of those from her super lens here –
“I’m praying for you
You are in my thoughts
With Deepest Sympathy
My sincere sympathy
With Heartfelt Condolences
Our thoughts and prayers are with you
He/She will never be forgotten
The memory of him/her will always be in our hearts
Thinking of you
Thinking of you during this difficult time”

If finding words for sympathy cards is still an issue for you, I strongly recommend ComfortDoc’s lens for further reading. I often refer to that lens when I am trying to figure out what to say.

Recently our dear friends were shocked by the death of their 25 year old son. He was killed in an accident. His twin brother had also died in an accident about 6 years ago. The grief in our town was palpable. It seemed everyone in town was connected to this special family in some way. Active, athletic, popular and loved by so many, the family was surrounded with visits and prayers.

I was especially impressed with our own daughter-in-law as she gently explained to our elementary grandchildren — “it is really important that we be with our friends when they are so very sad.” What a lesson to learn so early in life. And it really is that simple, isn’t it? We must be with our friends when they are sad. Sometimes condolence calls are so hard to do and yet we know how important they are. As the grandmother said, “visits help the time pass by.”

And as I visited with his grandmother, and she shared with me all of the cards and notes they have received, I was again reminded of the importance of those sympathy cards. I well remember the comfort we found in sympathy cards when our brother died suddenly. We would sit in dad’s living room and read them aloud to each other. Each one brought comfort. And it is such a simple thing to do — send a little card. I have to admit I am not as good about that as my sister, Betty. But today I am determined to do better. I do know how much it matters!

We have two new birdfeeders on our deck and a hummingbird feeder. Especially built for our deck by my husband’s friend. They are huge and wonderful, and of course filled with food. We have been waiting for the birds to discover them. We want them to come to the deck so we can watch them more closely.

When our granddaughter was a tiny baby, my sister Nancy sent her some talking birds. The cardinal sounded like the real cardinal and he was Jessica’s favorite of all. Nancy knew that my legally blind husband loves the bird sounds and identifying them, and she was sure Poppy and little baby Jessica would enjoy those birds – and she was right.

What none of us realized at the time, was that Jessica was really paying very close attention to those sounds. Jessica is school-age now and this afternoon, she went out on the deck and “talked” to the cardinals in their language. She whistled and whistled and told me that she invited them to come eat. In a very few minutes, we had cardinals at the new feeders — and a few hummingbirds, too.

Coincidence? I don’t think so. I think Jessica’s “whistle” was very familiar to them. I saw it happen. Just like I saw my friend Kate play music for the alligators at Seabrook — and yes, this big mama gator suddenly rose from the depths of the lake. Right in front of my eyes!

Can humans communicate with wild animals? I think so.

Yesterday was magical! Our granddaughter was visiting with us. I excitedly showed her the beginnings of an afghan I am crocheting for her. Surprisingly, she recognized it immediately. “I did not know you could crochet, Joan-Joan.”

She is an artistic child, and I really just wanted her to approve of the colors I had chosen. I had no idea she even knew what “crocheting” meant.

Within the next few minutes, I pulled out the plastic canvas and yarn I had bought for her a few years ago. (I tend to buy everything too early for my grands – I am an excited grandma for sure!) We had a delightful time, playing with all the colors of yarn and the big needles. Her dad called this morning to tell me that she had chosen to stay home and sew rather than go swimming last evening! Now this grandma is beaming! Of course, I want her to swim and play outside, but I am thrilled that she is excited about sewing.

Now hopefully this little introduction will lead her to a lifetime love of stitching. Stitching — cross stitch, crochet, plastic canvas – is meditative and relaxing and a wonderful hobby for anybody!

So today I am thankful – and dreaming of the hours we will spend stitching together and oooooohing and aaaaaaaahing over colors of yarn as only stitchers can do!

THE SITUATION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent – without exception – forced their children to move on quickly.

At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

* In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

* If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

* Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Our family reunion involves members of all ages — from our little ones to senior citizens. This year I was especially interested in watching the seniors even older than I am!

I noticed that they jumped in to all activities – whether we were dancing or singing or playing bingo or marching down the street in our little parade. Whatever we were doing, our senior seniors and our little children led the way. We have cousins in their 70’s and 80’s, as well as two family members who are legally blind – and guess who was in the middle of all the action! Our senior seniors!

As senior citizens, we simply must remember to approach every event with enthusiasm and to participate in life with joy! I love my older cousins – but even more than loving them, I admire their enthusiasm and willingness to be a part of all our crazy activities.

Oh Lord, let me remain enthusiastic and interested as I age. Allow me to follow in the footsteps of my senior cousins who know how to have fun and live life. Grant me the grace to be a loving and joy-filled guest at all family events.
Amen and Amen!

After the family reunion, daughter Kathy escorted Kate and I to Seabrook Island. What a beautiful place! Of course, Kate was immediately enthralled by all the wildlife there, and insisted on sleeping on the porch – she said it was like sleeping in the middle of a jungle – all the wild animal sounds throughout the night. We really did have a nice guestroom for her!

We settled in on the porch for the entire visit. It was funny that Kate loved that porch as much as I do. The grandchildren call that porch “Joan-Joan’s favorite place” and indeed it is. I think the most interesting thing about our meeting face-to-face for the first time and enjoying an entire week together, was the easy way we slipped into our real life relationship. We were old friends immediately, continuing the friendship we started on line over three years ago. One look at this table and the papers and books and “stuff” says it all! We were not strangers, but old friends. Isn’t that wonderful?

The Tate Family Reunion 2010 officially began for Kate and I with lunch at 1826 on the Green. Kate and I arrived in Pendleton, ran by Nancy’s house to load my car with more of Nancy’s reunion props. Of course Kate also received the grand tour of Nancy and Jim’s beautiful gardens!

The 3 of us then met sister Betty at 1826 right in the heart of Pendleton. Sister Nancy aka Ohme writes on Squidoo and Crabbys Beach with us and sister Betty joins us for Moon Moo and You every week. We had a grand time visiting, chatting, and getting to know the “real life” Kate!
Note: Nancy took the photo of us at 1826 – I thought she was in the picture, too! She was there with us for sure – the hostess with the mostest!
We also met Squid Lou for the first time. SquidLou is Nancy’s creation — our version of Flat Stanley. SquidLou represented all of our Squidoo friends at the reunion and also at Seabrook Island later in the week.
SquidLou and Kate met more of the family that day at a visit to St. Paul’s Episcopal Church. St. Paul’s was established in 1819 and is a beautiful little church. Our friend, Jim Vogel, is a member there and allowed us to see inside that day. He even played the organ for us.
Can you spot SquidLou and Kate in this photo?
After our nice lunch and our visit to St Paul’s, we headed to the Clemson Ramada to prepare the hospitality room for the reunion.

The Tate Family Reunion 2010 was such fun – and what a delight to have Kate Loving Shenk join us for all our celebration! Kate so easily fell into the routine and just rolled with whatever was going on — and believe me, at our reunion, that is quite a feat! I cannot imagine being a stranger at such an occasion, but Kate quickly became an “UnTate” and participated in all activities with gusto and charm! This photo shows Kate doing a “History Honker”! History honkers were tidbits of family trivia announced by the tooting of a horn. Kate honked her horn and read her trivia right on time!

Kate even received her own copy of the Tate Family Cookbook from the Tate Sisters in a little private ceremony! Now she can really cook Southern! :0

Over the next few days I will be sharing more of our reunion and our trip to Seabrook — In the meantime, if you want to see a whole bunch of the latest photos, you can go to Ohme’s Tate Family Reunion page.

It was such fun to meet Kate in person! It was as if we had known each other forever! Thank you all for your interest in all our activities this past week. It’s been a real hoot!